it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
