Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She bit a glass in half.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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