Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
