Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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