will power is for people who don't want to get laid
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
