I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
