In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
They have beer where we have blood.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
