smell my finger.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
