I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
