your parents love me but you hate me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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