My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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