i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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