The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
