Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
