I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
