There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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