I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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