you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
