I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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