Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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