I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
