I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
