my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You need Xanax blowdarts
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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