At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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