Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
