I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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