he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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