Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Quick, to the slutcave!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
