Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
