The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
