if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dicks are not precious.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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