the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
