Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
