my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
They took my balls.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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