I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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