So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
