I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dignity is for republicans.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
50% drunk capacity currently
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
