he shaved USA in his pubs
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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