sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
