My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He? As in you personified your dick?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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