at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
