Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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