I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
These tits shall not be calmed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
