My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
