woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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