I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
