Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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