I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
