4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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