BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
