We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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