Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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