Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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